Grow Your Hair, Trashy Shark
by FrostandSilence
Summary: Squalo x Xanxus. Their perfectly imperfect relationship. Warning: Contains swearing (lots), Squalo-abuse, yaoi, and implied naughtiness. But really, if you read it for the yaoi, that last thing doesn't matter. Where am I going with this? Somewhere? Probably. Slight AU and OOC. Very slight.
1. Chapter 1

Strong warning, if you skipped the description, LOTS OF SWEARING. Don't complain.

* * *

"Xanxus! I swear! I won't cut my hair until that plan comes into effect!" Squalo wasn't serious at the time. He was just trying to make Xanxus smile.

"Yeah?"

"You should swear too. don't cut your hair." The thought of Xanxus with long hair made him smile. Boss certainly would look cute, not that 'boss' and 'cute' should ever come within twelve miles of each other. In fact, there should probably be a restraining order between the two. Boss was an ugly fuck.

"How stupid." Suddenly deciding to change the conversation for no explicable reason, Xanxus smirked and brought up a touchy topic in hopes of causing the hot tempered Squalo some discomfort. "Did you think you could be useful with the arm the Sword Emperor made useless?"

"VOOOI. Don't misunderstand. I cut off that hand to understand the Sword Emperor. That's the strength of my resolve to go along with you. Just watch, Mr. Heir. One day, You'll be grateful that you made me your ally."

Now the boss was grinning, his ugly grin that showed his feelings of obvious superiority."Trash. You aren't an ally, you're a subordinate."

"VOOOOI" was all that Squalo could say before Xanxus shoved him roughly against a wall.

"Call me boss."

This made Squalo frown. He liked Xanxus' name. "Fine. I'm going inside, boss." Pushing his boss out of the way, he walked inside.

Boss followed. "Trash," he muttered, not so sure why he was following Squalo. Although he tried to seem uninterested, when Xanxus followed him into his room, still staring angrily, Squalo couldn't help but get curious. Mainly curious about what would happen if he was to rape his boss. Xanxus was standing in his room, staring straight at him, it was naturally the first thing to come to mind. Just to see what would happen, as he figured that it wouldn't be any worse than losing his hand, he grabbed Xanxus around the waist, and with a considerable amount of effort, threw him onto the bed. Surprisingly, boss didn't put up much of a fight as Squalo wrapped his legs around the other man's waist and returned his angry stare with a grin.

Xanxus was not entirely new to this, as a mafioso he'd had his fair share of prostitutes, much to the Ninth's dismay. Although he wasn't particularly fond of the thought of screwing another man, it felt strangely exciting to have the white-haired swordsman curled around his body. "Maybe you should grow your hair," he growled, aroused, "so I'll have something to pull while I fuck you."

"VOOOI, who gave you permission to do that?"

"Shut up, you shitty shark" Xanxus hissed, putting a strong arm around Squalo's shoulders and pulling him in for what seemed like more of a vicious attack than a kiss. That was the boss. Always having to do things so roughly. Then again, Squalo was the same way. Then Xanxus grabbed a fistful of the white hair, pulling it so hard that Squalo shrieked his signature VOOOOOI before retaliating, biting down hard on the bit of the boss's chest that was revealed by his shirt, leaving a bloody bite mark on the tan skin. He hoped that he was at least able to cause the other man a bit of pain in exchange for the burning feeling he was getting from having his hair ripped out. If Xanxus pulled any harder, he'd be bald. Asshole. Just for that, he ripped open Xanxus' shirt and bit down again, this time with his mouth closed firmly around his boss's nipple. "SHITTY SHARK" yelped Xanxus, twitching with something between immense pleasure and searing pain.

"Narcissistic bastard."

"Fuck you."

"Do it." With that cue, Xanxus roughly shoved Squalo off of him and got on top, still holding the man's hair. It felt good to be dominant. Now Squalo couldn't do anything but glare angrily at the boss's hand, which was pressed down on the pillow next to his head.

Without even bothering to see if it was comfortable, Xanxus pulled both their pants down and pushed into Squalo as hard as he could. "Whore" he muttered when Squalo's body tensed from the sudden pressure and the man let out a moan as initial pain faded into overpowering pleasure.

"Probably." For that insult, Squalo grabbed the nearest part of Xanxus' body, which happened to be the teasing hand, and dug his nails in so deep that it almost bled.

"You're a whore" growled Xanxus as squeezed Squalo's hand as well, cutting off most of the blood to his fingers. "And I'm just using you like any other whore."

"I don't care. Shut up and fuck me." From the start, Squalo had expected that. He wouldn't have it any other way. It would be nice if Xanxus returned his love, but then it wouldn't be the cold and cruel Xanxus he loved. Yeah, he loved the mean and abusive Xanxus, but what of it? It felt damn good to be hurt by him. "Oi, Xanxus, I won't be able to walk right tomorrow, can Bel cover my mission for me? The dumb fuck is too lazy lately."

"Hell no." Xanxus didn't even bother to question the use of his name now. He didn't want to be interrupted by Squalo's annoying voice at all. It was a good thing that the swordsman's head was close enough to the headboard that a quick yank of the hair left a large bruise on his forehead. Squalo's arm flew to his forehead, but he was pushed down again, yelling and flushed. It was all too good. Xanxus released his grip on the man's hair and came, tilting his head back with a satisfied sigh. So did Squalo, but with an a loud moan. "Shut up." Xanxus tried muffling Squalo with the pillow.

"Voi, are you trying to kill me?"

Pulling out slowly, Xanxus lay down beside Squalo and stared at him. Their hands were still tightly gripping each other. "Yeah. Die." He really didn't mean that. Maybe he thought that he did, but Squalo knew that on the inside boss would hate it if he just died right here. Probably. There was a little moment of silence as they stared at each other.

"Shithead."

"Asshole."

"That's you." Neither one was in a bad mood at the moment, surprisingly. They were just doing what they always did. Maybe at the beginning there was a hint of tension and anger, but that was understandable, with Xanxus currently being bothered endlessly by the Ninth and Squalo feeling slightly useless due to his boss lashing out at him. Naturally, they were wild and angry people. Calm didn't come easily to them. Even then it was still a calm with tense undertones, but to them it was a blissful moment. One that could only be achieved by releasing their tensions in such a burst of ecstasy. The look in Xanxus' eyes seemed to say thank you. He was still gripping Squalo's hand, and squeezed it lightly. Even though light for Xanxus was still painful, Squalo smiled. "Don't smile like that."

"I'm happy." He smiled wider "I can't help it."

Xanxus suddenly looked very angry. He glared across the bed at Squalo. "Don't give me that shit. I can't stand you when you aren't yourself." The grip on Squalo's hand released "I can't stand you when you act like yourself either. Shitty shark."

"VOOOOI, STUPID BOSS."

A heavy arm was pressed against the swordsman's chest. "Get out, bastard."

"IT'S MY ROOM." Howling, Squalo shoved the angry Xanxus out into the hallway. "VOOOOI, and next time don't rip my hair so much!"

Nothing of that sort happened again, but from then on, whenever he got aggravated, Squalo would get horny, and Xanxus would either stay true to his bosslike form and command him to stop acting so much like Lussaria, or pretend that he was bored and go off somewhere to escape it. Hence his absence at most of the ring battles.

Of course, Squalo grew his hair. He grew it constantly. Not even trimming the ends. When Xanxus was frozen, he thought of cutting it. When they lost, he thought of cutting it. When he thought of Xanxus pulling on it, he threw away the scissors. Xanxus did pull on it at times, but in more of a do it, shitty shark kind of way. Only when the Varia were around. When they weren't, he'd sometimes grab Squalo's hair by the roots and yank his head backwards, glaring at him in a way that had come to be the closest thing to a show of affection between them.

Those were the thoughts buzzing through Xanxus' mind as he watched the small figure on screen get swallowed up by the massive shark. No more useless emotions. No more annoying long haired freak. He laughed. His men stared at him in shock. Squalo is gone. He laughed again. That guy? No way. If Squalo was dead, then he wasn't Squalo. He watched the screen. Shitty shark must be avoiding showing himself to protect his honor as a swordsman.

Long after the Vongola went home, Xanxus had ordered the Varia away and sat watching the now still pool of water. No sharks of any kind. Smirking, he yelled into the darkness "HEY, BASTARD, GET OUT HERE." As if on cue, there was Squalo, dripping with a mixture of water and blood, struggling to pull himself up out of the water as he shook. He winced as Xanxus stared down at him. "Trash. I'm not going to help." When Squalo made it out of the water, he lay down on the ground, panting heavily. For the time being, he intended to ignore Xanxus. The boss was probably just here to gloat... but if he was, where was the Varia? That was a bit strange, but Squalo didn't feel like thinking, rather he felt like passing out. So useless. If he died, he wouldn't be useless anymore. That would be nice.

"Oi, Xanxus... kill me."

"Like hell I'm going to let you die."

"I'm useless..." Squalo was finding it very hard to stop from passing out. "I failed you, so kill me... it's the rule of Varia."

"You only lost because of that brat. If you had two hands, you could win."

"Are you mocking me?"

What happened next was so surprising that it almost shocked Squalo back to reality. With that same look of disappointment on his face, Xanxus leaned down and patted Squalo'a hair. It was a little rough, but it wasn't really meant to be, Xanxus' fingers were just so used to inflicting pain. "Keep growing your hair, trashy shark." Everything was blurry. The disgraced swordsman couldn't tell if this was real, and couldn't manage to respond.

* * *

Yeah, yeah, Squalo already had a fake hand, but this one is better. Because Xanxus wants it for things. XD

* * *

When Squalo woke up, he was covered in bandages, aching all over, and feeling entirely strange. His left arm felt cold at the base. Even though it hurt just to turn his head, he did, and looked down at his hand.

His hand?

No.

It was a very well made, expensive metal prosthetic. Much better than the old one. When he tried, it twitched. He tried again. It moved. The Varia emblem was etched onto the back. Who could have... his eyes widened at the realization. Xanxus. With a grunt of effort, he managed to move the hand freely, and brought the cold metal to his lips with a smile. Now, he'd never fail the boss again. A thought of that brat flashed into his mind. Unwanted, it brought a frown to his face. That brat now held the title of Sword Emperor. If he wanted it back, he'd have to fight again. That would be no problem, he was confident with his skills, but he also wanted to train this brat. What was that name again? Oh right. Yamamoto. The Sigure Sounen disciple. During his rest he'd pondered it, and now his waking self understood. That brat could have endless possibilities. He wondered if Xanxus would let the brat live after the ring battle ended. Probably not, but it was worth a try. He scratched his head. How long had he been out for?

"Okay. I understand." Came a faint woman's voice from outside the door. Most likely a nurse.

"That guy is the strongest son of a bitch that I know." Boss's voice? "The fucker should be dead a billion times over." Hah. Squalo took that as a compliment. Xanxus came walking in, switching the blinding lights on as he did. The longhaired patient put a bandaged arm over his eyes and grunted. "Back to normal yet?" He sat down next to the bed and prodded Squalo, smiling at the look of pain he'd produced

"VOOOOI, you aren't helping."

Xanxus fell silent for a moment. "We lost." Loss? No, that wasn't possible. Not with the boss... there had to be a mistake... "that damn Sawada brat learned the zero point breakthrough. I would have killed him if it wasn't for that damn archeobaleno training him." There was nothing that Squalo could say. It all seemed too unreal, too impossible. "Are you listening, shitty shark?"

"Yeah." He moved his arm a bit to stare at the disgraced leader of the Varia. His face didn't look happy. So many emotions twisted together and had left him looking like he was going to crumble. "Should I cut my hair, boss?"

Surprisingly, Xanxus seemed only mildly annoyed at the change of subject. "No" he grabbed a strand of grey hair and wrapped it around his fingers, wondering about its softness. Testing out his prosthetic, Squalo rested it gently on Xanxus's spiky head of hair. He couldn't feel it, but he started to wonder if it was soft. Hair was something that Squalo had never before thought to touch. Big, brown eyes stared up at Squalo, radiating a sense of anger... and sadness.

"You were worried about me..." whispered Squalo incredulously. This emotion wasn't the boss's normal blend of hatred and killing intent.

"Shut up" he growled, but didn't bother to deny the accusation. "I'm just stressed."

"Stressed?" That brought back memories. Last time Xanxus had been so stressed, they'd... oh. It hurt like hell, but Squalo managed to sit up, his back cracking and stubbornly refusing to stop aching. He put his hands on either side of Xanxus' face,the metal hand feeling like a fifty pound weight, his good one scratched and covered in scabs from all the weird intravenous things he'd needed to be hooked up to in able to survive. Those fuckers would pay for doing it so badly.

"Lay back down, shithead, do you want to get even worse?" Xanxus put out his hand to push Squalo back down, but stopped realizing that it would only hurt the man more. He held it there, hoping that it was enough. It definitely wasn't, as Squalo's lips were now resting against his. Xanxus was tired too. Far too tired to fight back. Instead, he climbed into the bed beside Squalo and lay down. "Shitty shark..." he mumbled, yawning.

"Voi, Xanxus, you're one hell of a cute asshole." Laying down as well, the swordsman nestled into his boss's arms.

Snapping, Xanxus summoned the nurse, who smiled at them, got an angry glare in return, then quickly shut off the lights and hurried away. "Listen, trash, don't get used to this."

"Ah, that metal hand, it's pretty strong. Once I can get out of bed, how should I thank you?" Xancus didn't say anything, but he grinned. Squalo understood. "Gotcha." It always seemed to be like this between them, a bit of tension, hatred, and necessity, because as much time had passed, and as much as they'd grown, whether they were fighting or fucking they still weren't two who were able to love reasonably.


	2. Puppy Hate

Warning, language and abusive Xanxus.

* * *

"Stupid trash." The little black dog stared up at Xanxus' imposing form, baring its teeth and growling. It was just a puppy, very small and frightened. A few hours earlier, his owner had taken him for a walk. Now he was alone. He'd been abandoned. "Get out of my way." Nudging the puppy with his foot, Xanxus frowned when it yelped. Reaching down with his big, scarred hands, he picked up the little animal and looked at it disapprovingly. Maybe Bel would want it for target practice. As if sensing his intent, the puppy sunk its little teeth into Xanxus' hand. "FUCK" growled the man, glaring at the puppy. "You're annoying. You remind me of that longhaired freak."

Even if it had sensed an evil intent, the puppy had followed Xanxus back to Varia headquarters nonetheless. "Ushshishi~a little thing like that isn't worth it" laughed Bel when presented with the whimpering puppy "bring me something worthy of a prince next time." Maybe Squalo wanted the puppy. The man seemed to be getting softer as of late, and if he didn't, well, there was always Lussaria, who'd so far accumulated an impressive collection of pets. Unfortunately, they didn't tend to live long.

Squalo looked angrily at the small animal that Xanxus had dropped into his arms. "VOOOOI, WHAT'S THIS?"

"A dog. Can't you recognize when you see it, shitty shark?"

"Stupid boss, I don't want a dog." He tossed it back to his boss "you keep it."

Holding the puppy by the scruff of its neck, he glared at Squalo. "If you won't take the damn thing, I'll give it to Lussaria."

"Vooooi, I don't care who you give it to, I hate dogs." With that being said, Xanxus forgot all about the puppy, dropping it into the hall and watching it run off before turning to Squalo.

"You're so annoying," growled Xanxus, running a hand through his hair. He took the other and traced Squalo's lips with his fingertips. "Make yourself useful and suck on my fingers. They're dirty."

"Voi, you can't be serious."

"Are you deaf, shitty shark? I said suck."

"What the fuck?" Squalo cursed under his breath. Even though he loved the idea, boss was really acting strange. Actually, come to think of it, boss had been acting strangely since he'd lost the ring battle. Slipping the first finger into his mouth, Squalo looked up at Xanxus, who regarded him with a cool look of pride. Surprisingly, Xanxus had referred to his fingers as 'dirty' only because they were covered in cake crumbs. The greedy bastard probably ate everything in the kitchen again. Squalo pulled out Xanxus' first finger and ran his tongue along the second, over the jagged scar that cut across it, admiring the strength of those hands, that could bring such pain or pleasure at will. Xanxus pressed his knee against the hard erection in between Squalo's legs, as the swordsman's hand rubbed the spot between Xanxus' legs, a little disappointed that his efforts to entertain his boss didn't seem to be having any effect.

Although he'd suggested the idea, Xanxus was the easily bored type. Pulling his fingers out of Squalo's mouth, he wrapped the swordsman's long grey hair around his wet hand and pulled on it until the other man's lips were against the fabric of his pants. "You're boring me," he said with a disappointed frown, "and if you get your uniform dirty, I'll kill you, trash."

"VOOOOI, what do you expect me to do, strip?"

Xanxus grinned.

Squalo reluctantly pulled his face out from between the boss's legs and played with the top button of his Varia jacket. It didn't seem like such a good idea to be doing this here, in Xanxus' office, with the door still unlocked. He turned to close it, but the boss was impatient. "Strip, shitty shark. I'm not going to wait." Sighing, Squalo carefully discarded the jacket and turned his attention to the black T-shirt that was underneath. He went to pull it off, as Xanxus snatched it and pulled him close, slight flames flickering around his hand. "You're pissing me off." Surprisingly, the shirt started to burn. This must be be an aspect of the flames of rage, thought Squalo nonchalantly. It burned away completely, hot flames flicking against his skin.

Suddenly Xanxus pressed his hand against Squalo's bare stomach, leaving a large red welt. It hurt worse than being cut by a sword. "ARGH, FUCK." Squalo swore and tried to pull Xanxus off of him, but the man had wrapped his other arm around the swordsman's waist, and was holding him in a forced embrace. His hand cooled, and Squalo rested his head against Xanxus' shoulder, panting heavily. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR" he screamed between breaths, digging his nails into Xanxus' shoulders. Though he had a high pain tolerance, that fucking HURT.

"I'm covered I'm scars from flames like this." He kissed Squalo's neck, recalling painful memories. "It hurts, right?" Again, there was that strange attitude. Squalo stared at his boss, eyes narrowed in confusion. "Just means that you're my bitch." He grabbed Squalo's hair and threw the other man down onto the floor, pouncing on him and sinking his teeth into the fresh wound he'd created. Squalo howled with pain and yanked Xanxus' short hair, trying desperately to stop the torture. Something hard brushed against his leg. That fucking sadistic Xanxus was probably getting a boner from his screams.

Luckily for Squalo, Xanxus didn't seem to want much more than the satisfaction of seeing Squalo wrothe in pain. He got up and let the other man pull himself onto the couch. "You have a really weird way of showing affection," he mumbled before considering his boss's obvious reaction.

"Affection? What the fuck are you talking about, trash?" The very notion of Xanxus having emotions seemed to be extremely insulting.

"You love me" Squalo smiled at Xanxus "and I love you, Xanxus, that why I started growing my hair."

"I hate you," he growled. "Your hair is long so I have something to grab while I'm fucking you. If you choose to believe that I have any feelings for you, then that's your problem, shitty shark."

Squalo could take any amount of abuse that Xanxus would force upon him, and return it with undying love. It wasn't abuse that made him feel angry. It was that gap between their bodies, the fact that when they weren't fucking they were so distant, the way Xanxus would avoid his gaze and deny any hint of emotion. He loathed the effortless manner in which the man who he loved more than anyone else in the world could simply push him away. Sometimes there were moments in which he'd been treated like the boss's real lover, but for that to occur it would involve defeat, a feeling of unworthiness, and an outpour of long hidden emotions. Why did their love have to take this form; and why did he cling to it? There had to be a limit of broken glass, bruises and insults, without a hint of love. A man could only take so much before it all became meaningless.

Xanxus' voice broke the silence. "Squalo." He was leaning over the shorter man, red eyes glowing angrily.

"Voi, did you think I was going to let you get away with that?" Ignoring his thoughts for the time being, the silver-haired swordsman reached up and gave Xanxus an angry, demanding kiss.

From the crack in the door, a red eye with a kanji symbol imprinted in it watched bemusedly. "Kufufufu~now this is certainly some interesting blackmail material."

A few hours earlier, the puppy had been taken for a walk by its owner, Mukuro, and abandoned in front of the temporary Varia headquarters in Naimimori. Now, at eight, it was plotting the downfall of Vongola.


	3. Bad Ideas

Oh look, a plot in the smut! No, really. I'm not kidding.

Yes. A plot.

* * *

"That's it... that's fucking it." Squalo sat by the heavy oak table, his head on his arms, long silver hair pooling around him. He'd just had another rough night with Xanxus, and after being told yet again that he was hated, having his hair pulled until it almost ripped from scalp, and being shoved out into the hallway without so much as a thank you, he was silently cursing himself for being so weak.

Just as it seemed that the day couldn't get any worse, Lussaria's disgustingly happy face peeked up over the table. Squalo didn't even have time to question his reason for being on the floor, as the moron started yapping without a second to spare. "Something wrong, Squ-chan?"

"Go away, Lussaria" growled the angry swordsman "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today."

"Oh, Squ-chan, cheer up!" He attempted tackle-hugging the silver haired swordsman, only to be caught on the side of his head and shoved into the wall. "What temper! So mean to mama Luss! Don't act so immature."

Well, that was it. That was the last straw. "Bye, Lussaria." Squalo stood up and without another word walked off to his room, going through a mental list of the things that he would need.

"Is it something I said?"

It was Levi who had the task of telling Xanxus the bad news. Surprisingly, he didn't get more than an angry glare. "Why didn't anyone try to stop the trash?"

"I did, bossu!" Protested Lussaria, as a knife came flying by his head.

"You probably just scared him away. Ushishishi~" Snickering, Bel turned to Xanxus "so, should we go drag him back?"

"No."

"No?" Lussaria squealed "but Squ-chan must be so lonely!"

"Then I'll go get him." A dark aura flooded the room as Xanxus stood, hands on his guns. Squalo was doomed.

* * *

It didn't take the swordsman long to find a place to live, even if it was a bit run down. He'd found it while training, eight years ago. It was little more than a shack now, a dilapidated cabin in the middle of nowhere, but as long as it had a roof it was good enough.

The rain was cold and unforgiving. Just like Squalo. It was the closest thing to a shower that he'd have for a few more days. Great. Just great. What a fucking brilliant idea this was. Stripping off his clothes, he grabbed a towel and went outside. Having a cold shower was better than nothing. If he didn't wash his hair, it'd drive him crazy. After all their relationship had been though, his hair was a symbol of the bond between him and Xanxus. Even though he'd forced himself to sever that bond, he still clung to the last bit of delusional love. He hadn't brought a lot of soap, and cursed himself for not being able to carry more. As he ran his hands down his sides, he remembered the feeling of Xanxus' scarred and possessive hands against his body. The thought of having Xanxus touch him made him forget his worries for a second. He spun around, silver eyes meeting with red. "VOOOI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I came to bring you home, shitty shark."

The familiar hands were on Squalo's hips, tracing up his waist, over his nipples... "THE HELL? YOU JUST CAME TO GROPE ME." He smacked Xanxus' hands away and thanked himself for not being stupid enough to take his pants off.

"What were you thinking, running away like that?" Though his emotions were nearly unreadable, Squalo could guess what his former boss was feeling. Anger. Betrayal. He didn't care. The man had made him feel those emotions too many times before.

"I wanted to get as far away from you as possible" he growled, hoping that Xanxus would take the VERY obvious hint and get the hell out of his life.

"Since when do you shower in the rain with pants on?" The older man smirked "very unfit for the Varia's rain guardian." Instead of taking the hint, he slipped one hand down Squalo's pants and tried to pull them down, only to pull back from a sharp hit to the wrist. "Don't do that." He grabbed Squalo's wrist. It wasn't a request, it was a command. "You belong to me."

"Fuck you, Xanxus. I don't belong to you." He ran his free hand over one of the many scars that Xanxus had left on him. "I don't belong to anyone. Just leave me the hell alone, you bastard."

Then, Xanxus stopped. He stopped glaring, he stopped holding Squalo's wrist, he stepped back, and laughed. "What the hell do you think you are, shitty shark? You're my bitch! You won't get far, you'll be crawling back to me right away. You're even more useless than that stupid Vongola brat who beat the shit out of you."

With an angry snort Squalo remembered his defeat. Yamamoto may be a brat, but at least he hasn't ruined his life the way Squalo had. With a bastard like that... glaring at Xanxus, he turned back to the cabin. Maybe, just maybe, he did have a purpose after all. With renewed resolution, he began packing up his things for the long trip to Naimimori.


End file.
